What do you expect?
By Sharron Stockhausen, MMA
Most of us can find something we want to improve as we begin another new year. All you have to do is review the covers of various periodicals to see the topics of the month include losing weight, getting more organized, starting an exercise program, and finding ways to become financially independent.
Every January we get the message we aren’t as good as we could be. So, what are your expectations for the new year?
Some of us expect to become svelte when we haven’t lost more than five pounds in the past decade. Some of us expect to declutter our life (including our schedule) when we haven’t decreased the number of things we’re interested in, or we tend to say yes to everything asked of us. Some of us expect to start an exercise program when we haven’t decided which form of exercise appeals to us. And some of us expect to improve our financial status when we haven’t received a raise or promotion (or stopped spending money).
What do you expect of your loved ones? Many of us expect our loved ones to miraculously change in some way. Perhaps we want to them to notice the garbage needs taking out when they’ve never seen it before without being told. Perhaps we want them to pick up after themselves although they typically don’t.
Think about where your expectations come from, then ponder how realistic your expectations are. For example, my husband grew up in New York City. He didn’t have to shovel snow or mow grass. He told me from the beginning he was happy living in apartments. I grew up in the country and wanted my own house and large yard. We agreed early on I would do the outside work. People still pass judgment when they see me scooping snow or mowing grass, but that’s because they have expectations men do those things, not women. They don’t realize he’s inside cooking me a luscious dinner or washing clothes or vacuuming.
Many of our judgments and most of our disappointments come from unmet expectations. We expect things from our family members. When we don’t get what we expect, our negative feelings kick in. At times those feelings change from disappointment to frustration to irritation to anger.
What do expect from your coworkers? You may be one who works hard and looks for ways to do things better. When your co-workers do just enough to get by and never see anything that needs to be done without being told, you may get irritated. This is especially true when both of you are paid the same, and you perceive you work harder. You expect others to work the same as you do, but they don’t, so you begin to have issues with your co-workers.
What do you expect from your friends? We’ve just enjoyed the holiday season of giving. Did you get the gifts you expected? Did you get the appreciation for the gift you gave that you expected? If not, ask yourself where those expectations came from.
If you compare gifts based on perceived value, are you really giving or just trying to impress? If you give only because they always give you something, are you really giving or just swapping? If you didn’t receive the gushing thanks you expected, how do you feel toward that person? If you feel at all negative, you may try look inward, rather than at the other person, for the answer.
We’re standing at the front of a new year full of hope and expectation. Reflect on what you expect and why. You are in control of how you feel toward yourself and others. You’ll do yourself a huge favor by being realistic about what you expect. You can make it a great year if you do. Expect it!
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